...feels like the first.
We will hold each other ,
as we know time can slip.
To treasure,
how we finally reunited.
We have been following the stars,
as we balance on this wire,
in hopes it does not sway.
So vulnerable
So much trust
The memory replays,
both lips are still wet.
Longing for the missed opportunities,
the missed kisses.
The moments not taken.
Replay the past,
to
remake the future.
May your path intertwine with mine,
and become ours again. "
03-15-2022
5:00 am 2022
day unknown
at times I can’t tell if the tapping on the window is from the native bird
or from the inside of my head.
How do I know the time 5:00 am
without opening my eyes or even looking at my phone…
wondering if when I do .... will you be here again?
Knowing it could be too late
it repeats.
"too late. missed your chance"
I reach over and again nothing but pillows.
Knowing the hours of sleep went faster than they came
stillness again
reflecting in the stillness of us
The smile of you I find in each dream
I keep still even longer.
Eyes closed
Tears run down like a stream
the body just naturally knows.
I lay there even longer
Letting time go by
Not opening my eyes,
but seeing every inch of you
kissing even atom of you.
remembering every mole on your body
kissing each one on your stomach up to your chest to then press
our selves so our hearts touch.
remembering how much I missed that spot on a regular.
And now even more.
Seeing the light in your eyes
the lightest of blue
at that right time and place.
Time doesn't heal
Whoever said that was a fool.
Time has deepen the sorrow
yet brought light to the depth of our love
The tap again
What will the eyes open to
as the darkness fills the space
it is as if it is darker
than when my eyes were closed
So I stumble out.
Tripping over the mediation pillow and the beers from the night before.
Clearing the soul …but poisoning the body…
Disappointed that the one night of weakness came again.
The missed calls pile up on the cell phone that is blinking on 1%.
Kicking the bottle
then picking it up.
Accidentally reaching the phone rings and in surprise I hit the answer by mistake
Its EM a long time friend.
“Hey what are you doing its been days?..
you know I think the worse when you disappear, like that everyone starts to call me with questions on where to order and who is in charge of what...
when you pull this staycation thing you do
you recluse.
You run too many things… to think you can just escape?”
UK “I went way into my head. I had to. I just had 3 beers and trashed the other 3.
Then I just mediated for hours thinking about our love.
I get lost and never want to leave without her.
Its like I can go for weeks I mean being sober with tears everyday and sorrow…
but then out of nowhere I just feel this weight and maybe I can feel her.. I think that is it.”
EM: “What the fuck? I thought you sounded better but now you sound worse”
UK: “Ya maybe I can fight through it some nights and do... then others it like medicine to help get though. Maybe she is sad and my soul feels it. It is so deep, so profound, it is for sure beyond my body and mind it is from the supernatural.”
EM “ok well whatever get your shower get your gear and get your ass over here.”
UK: My heart is bleeding with my spirit finding ways to smile.
You sound like my therapist so dismissive most the time with your own conclusions before I even speak.”
EM: Look there is no such thing what you think, you got it? "it" doesn’t exist. I hate to keep telling you but you have to stop thinking that she is the "one." She is gone. Get that through your head
UK: It is my head that keeps telling my heart and soul to feel different. They won’t budge.
So I have chosen to surrender ....
The phone dies
The streets are still empty
The country never did get back like it was before
As people stop trusting the government and some never
reopened their businesses.
the town was now far from the progressive state it was
ghost towns
only a few spaces have been cleared
Many left to the woods
people fled
Only those with super innovative ideas where able to survive.
Mainly coders, off grid ideas,
people traded to live.
Currency was now gone
Minds trading information to live
Some ideas sustained the revolution.
UK had one of them.
The knocking started
The words started up again .
"There's much to see here.
So, take your time, look around,
and see all there is so much more... about us."
The sun still wasn’t out
The roads seemed more empty... more than ever before.
Colder. UK waved for EM to go ahead texted her “even that it’s a new team
and it seems like they are going crazy I arranged for a new regional to come
today” EM texted back “of course you did”) Does that mean you are not coming?
UK “it was made to run itself for a reason”
UK walked the other direction waved at EM she was going another direction with other ideas going on. EM knew when to let her go and when she needed to bring her back.
This time she saw and knew let her roam. Let her fly into those ideas and lets see what she brings back.
EM was the brew master, the fire starter, for the community.
She never had to travel for that where she stood that happened.
UK for her, she created a trade of wit for the information.
The roads that had not seen cars in years.
Signs still being used for navigation for those in town and passing through.
The night had given the ground snow.
Even with the untouched white coat over the hills…
through the crisp air no matter how new and untouched the world looked at that moment…
there was still a solitude in the shadows.
The blackness has the sorrow from each movement in it.
It is like you can hear the people sleeping still.
The snoring, the babies fuzzing getting ready to eat, the sounds of morning,
you can still hear those that are coming back from working the night before
from the underground world
UK knows that location well and hasn’t’ been back in a while
It is like a subway system that was taken over by a community
Super highly regulated to get in
It was like the class of division was based survival not cash but wit
Those that could find a system that can self-sustain or ride on those that could
The only thing that seemed to be a constant was the beginning of the sunrise
UK looks over and runs fast down the snow hill like on the longest slide ever
Dead inside but still able to live.
Then over to her left there was the smallest amount of light
from a corner café - a make and take only.
UK headed over
The knocking started again and while looking around to see where that bird was the faint sound
“move on” Flashes of her smile UK closes her eyes the friction of the sound of pain with the sight of joy. UK closes her eyes she can see E... her smile and the morning replay over when E walks in the room.
The light coming in from the kitchen a day dream UK
shakes her head again. It was hard to imagine this place could be open at this time.
UK walks over it is a glass window that is actually lite by a candle
The lady turns around with a gas mask on it was much more advanced then the one UK had on
But she asked what do you want?
It was through an intercom.
“Flat white” says UK
“What the fuck is that?” she replied
“ Americano is fine”
as she and she turned around and under her breath you can hear her say “those uptown pre-end of the world mother fuckers .. what the fuck like I have fucking milk or what almond ya fucking almond milk.”
She turns back around and Uk says “look man I didn’t even think you were open so I was like what the fuck a café so ya I imagined you might have something like a coffee drink.”
At this time she takes off her mask and underneath is like a alien meets predator.
Uk takes off without the drink in hand or even didn’t know what to think.
“Just that this new world is fucking crazy.”
Having stayed underground for the first 2 years made coming back above not the same.
It was like decades of destruction and untouched below.
Below ground there was still laughter people had food and drinks it was like people were able to find and adapt….. but above wasn’t the same at all.
Uk wasn’t sure how long she was going to stay above ground with EM but they were building this lab of information to sustain the future of energy for the community of which the government by then was the only place that had any. It was when it all collapsed that was the only thing that actually gave some stability to the last few of the “elite”. Of now which was far nothing like the past, but it is enough to not have to conform with the masses for survival.
Either above or below there was still a link to have to exchange for survival so everyone was still dependent on each other. That was UK reason to leave. The small few that did survive the plague turned into groups that were made quickly after the “evolution waves” as they call the virus. That as the only way the news could make sense of what happened. Especially for those amounts of people that didn’t survive… whipped out humanity to the point that in each state there would be miles you would not see anyone a complete ghost town. So to have these pockets was necessary to live. Yes, underground was way better. The only problem UK knew to self-sustain with the information needed and with a system so the group could make it. We can disconnect and be off grid yet have our own energy system. Yes, you needed a team of masters in each area so then the group could last the conditions in all levels. From the grounder, the coder, the environmentalist, the brew master, the data informer. That was UK job was the data informer. The information that was what the team was waiting for.
UK was on the mission to bring it back to the team. In the mean - time UK was building a system for when the idea and info was gather in time for the launch. Each person involved had to know the time and precision for the when UK gets the component it would work. It is like chemistry meet engineering meets electricity. The only thing that has been getting in the way has been the other world. UK reaches a tree and takes a break. The more she looks it isn’t a tree but a fake tree that is data receiver. UK smiles she call EM to let her know what she just found and was going to take apart. EM “You get stuck in The love world. I have been trying to explain it to you but it is like not clicking….The fact that you are in still with E, she is gone get that. UK you have to open your eyes.” She might not have made it either..you know that”
UK looks at her with this look. "She is alive I can feel her. I feel it is not over and this world will bring her back I have to believe. I dont need anyone to make sense of my feelings as it is mine and mine alone." So fuck off and fuck what you think about my love" I was not my best when she left I was a mess. I didnt treat her like I know I can and should have and I wont ever give up on our love. She is the world to me now then and tomorrow. It is deeper than shakespeare EM. He would rewrite all his works if he could feel this inside for E. “I am sorry your right I am jealous, but it is true you are causing the team to suffer with your daydreams and your escapes. UK” I called to let you know what I found I didn’t ask for your opinion” EM” I said I was sorry” Fine call me later tonight we are fine here all good I got everything brewing like it needs to be the deadline is the same here. Keep your eye on the ball that’s all… UK hangs up and looks up into the sky at that moment the moon can barley be seen in the cloud the crescent moon. UK tears up and falls to the ground the time starts to tick....
The cold rain started to fall hard ...to the point of waking up UK who was sleeping in the same spot for hours. She laid there catatonic wondering what and where. She was looking to her left reach out to find nothing but leaves. She grabs them like it was a person and hugs them. In her mind you see a blonde woman’s back with tattoos. A skull with lilies taking most the lower back. For a moment she forgets again. They hold each other in an embrace and UK starts to kiss her neck and say she missed her. As they press there hearts as close as they can. The sound of 2 hearts beats takes over and then fades as Thunder starts up again. UK gets up still in the clothes from the night before. She takes out a device that dries her clothes and at the same time sanitizes her… some future gizmo. She looks at her watch and the hours is 27.46. which makes no sense but to her. “Only a 24 more hours” As she starts to walk back in the rain it is like a bubble was made to protect her from the rain it doesn’t even make her wet. The rocks underneath start to move and the leaves. She leans down and sees a baby dragon. This little one is purple with a teal thorn spine that looks like a mohawk. It has the most yellow eyes. UK pick it up and it starts to ask for food. UK reaches in her pocket for some grains and nuts and the dragon devourers it like it had not eaten in days. Then UK looks for its family but realizes that it isn’t the season for dragons to be in the area so it must have lost its way. UK then puts him in her pouch and starts to go back to taking apart the data receiver. The dragon sticks its head out and looks up at UK. It starts to bark and make noise then UK realizes it is actually telling her which wire is important based on the pitch the higher the pitch the more important this was a way to color code the important wiring in order to understand the information needed to gather. UK hurries and start to write down numbers colors then the data machine starts to realize it has been hacked and starts imploding in 20 seconds. UK doesn’t even blink and keeps going. It is down to 5 seconds when the dragon bites UK and they leave to hide under a huge boulder and it blows up. They notice the hut behind them is abandoned and go into it for shelter… UK isn’t bothered at all by the new dragon quite the contrary and decides to call it…. “By chance” The bird noise starts in UKs head and the knocking begins. The thunder rolls again the view goes black.
It isn't if I will think of you.
It's how not to think of you.
The morning came earlier than normal so it seemed.
The wish to have the sun go back down comes into my head.
Wondering if we will ever love again or if you'd done with me like you said.
What does the writing say?
Uk started to get up
uk cant get up her body is catatonic .
Strip down the wounds and escape with me again.
Find love with me again.
Lets merge again_
you are heaven _ _
There something you are running to and its far from me._
The fumes are Toxic and it stopped feeling good and nothing was done. _
Life took us both down_
I lost myself and lost you. _
You lost yourself and then you let go of me.
Just as I was learning how to tighten grip.
The tears. have yet to dry up._
The broken promises
the cold hand
the turned shoulder
Even in pain, even bleeding out
I wouldn't leave.. ever they would have had to tear me from you ...
Yet you asked me to let go of my grip
You say you didn't feel it yet
I was holding on so tight
Show me
take me with you
into the darkness.
Take me into the light
with you
Lets do this dance together/
Call me out to love
me harder.
If you push me
make sure to pull me in
twice as much
We get replayed in my thoughts
over and over in my head
Close my eyes and it us again.
Our love is divine when we stepped time together.
when we lived life together
when we took our breath together
when we felt the sun together
when we drank the same drink together.
our connection took me to another plane
did you come with me.
I though I saw you there
So quick you came and went
come back
. _ UK grabs her notebook and shoves it back into her leather bag. The one she carries all her weapons and tools. She feels her heart pounding again.
The Solo Seagull on Sunset Strip glides in the wind above UKs head.
THE TASTE OF JASMINE TEA ESCAPES ME
BACK TO YOUR SWEET KISS.
I close my eyes again.....
I wish i could say I have no regrets ...
yet I have so many that keep coming up like lost memories.
How was I not there when you cried alone with the moon.
How did i not pull you closer to ....our heart............
How did i miss that feeling with you? in us?
I memorized every inch of you.
I died over and over in ur arms
yet
how did i miss our moment?
How did i not listen.2u?......................................
to your heart?
How did I not sit and lay next to you when you lost your dad....
How did i not wipe all the tears you had.
I was a walking shadow
/
Thought UK...
I didnt know I was walking dead without you or before you.......
The steps were hollow from my past.....my past drenched me from all I had.....any emotions or feelings of my own ....empty.
The constant pain from age 2 left me empty and blue.
Broken and didnt yell from fear for hours..
. The threshold for pain at 2 was the training uk to be here today.
Then from 5 to 7 more layers of shield and armor that stripped UK of any human love.... so when we met....... my soulmate love......we ... 2 become one...yet I didnt know ....I was half there....... due to the cuts and tears .....then again ....maybe you were too? All I know as i hear this seagull and the sounds remind me of a all of the beaches our feet walked as one. Uk just lays and listens for what felt like hours but were seconds....... Then knocking starts again and the dirt hits UKs face...I smell your fearless smell.... uk opens its eyes ......only sees is misery and despair. The streets are just dirt and nothing works. The above ground feels like UK does on the inside...How does this day just seem to keep going and going like no end. Yet it has been years. Waking up without you again.. dreaming of you makes this waking life a drag. Time is ticking even though it doesnt feel like time even exits. UK tries to get refocused as so much is at stake.
The metal phone attached to UKs belt goes off and it is EM.
The text shows up as UK didnt pick up.
"Get out of your head, Get out of your heart, Get to work.. we are running out of our supplies and we need the codes so we can find our own dimension. I can not imagine your sorrow or your heart-ache yet can you at least level up soon ! checking again in 2400.!" 'The moon starts to come back into the scene yet there are 2 crescent moons
"I love all of you and even when you bite
I miss all of you every night.
Close my eyes to find you
The rain hits harder on UK face
I wish i understood the spinning
Nothing seems worth the fight now without her light.
our love as one. sweet soulmates no matter the miles between the stars
She did not even recognize me after ... I am not sure how I remain alive
I wonder at times why I had.
you are my world,
your glaze in your eyes is my everything,
your love is my air and as we use to escape together
we would laugh in infinity and sometimes
I can still hear us
if i close my eyes.
THERE IS NO RESTART BUTTON ON LIFE
Time Stopped
The Earth stopped spinning
The wind stood still
The drip of the faucet is the only way to know
That i am not sleep
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